Keep it K Plus
by ThePoeticWeirdo
Summary: It must, at all costs, be rated K Plus. This defies description. (This story is not meant to be taken seriously.)


"You are about three seconds away from being expelled." The guidance councilor folded her arms and sighed. "You really expect me to believe that Osana's hair just fell off overnight? You know as well as everybody else that her bright, silky, tangerine locks are the source of that girl's power, and without them, she can never reach her full potential as a wizard of hair."

"You can't prove I did anything," Ayano retorted.

The guidance councilor took out a diagram of a detailed plan for how to cut Osana's hair. "This is in your notebook."

Slowly, Ayano reached for the evidence and then cut it neatly in half with a giant pair of scissors. The guidance councilor held up a copy of the notebook. "Darn it," Ayano glared.

"Look, I'm going to let you off with just a warning this time," the guidance councilor sighed, "but on one condition. You have to keep this rated K Plus."

"What?!" the girl sputtered.

"You heard me correctly. K Plus." The guidance councilor stood up. "That means no scary descriptions, no language, and absolutely no violence. Break those rules and you will be expelled. Do you understand?"

Ayano considered it for a moment. "Fine," she grumbled.

One week later

Amai opened her locker and was surprised to find a note in it. She read the anonymous person's tip, and thus discovered the cheesy wonder of pickup lines. Overflowing with happiness, she shuffled over to Taro and said, "Did anybody ever tell you that you look batter than all the other guys? You bake me feel so special. I brought some dates, and I'd love to take you on one. Boy, the oven has nothing on you because you're so hot."

By this time, Taro was backing away. In a desperate attempt to deliver a good pickup line related to baking, she cried out, "You are my SenPie!" That was truly a half-baked idea.

Seven days later

Kizana was a wonderful actress. It seemed certain that she was going to win the heart of Senpai! But then...

"I will now tell you what play we are going to perform next. I present to you...A stage adaptation of Teh Emoji Movie!"

From that day forth, if anyone was to ask Taro why he had an irrational fear of theaters, he would only shake his head and tell them that he hoped that they would never have to see what sheer horror the corporate mind that caters to what is hip for the kids has the power to create. Oh...flashbacks...

(The derivative of 7x) days later

Oka watched Senpai and wondered if he had some power to make her fall in love with him. Ayano walked into her club room one day and told her that she knew somebody who would make a much better match for her.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Those flames floating next to you are pretty cool."

"Thanks."

"I feel awkward."

"Me too."

"Sorry."

"I don't have anything to do besides haunt the bathroom. Do you maybe wanna hang out after class?"

"Sure."

At the end of the week, Oka and the ghost girl that haunted the bathroom went to the tree and confessed their love for one another. It was da great pairing and they lived (or did whatever ghosts do because they don't live) happily ever after. Probably.

Monday

"Goooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll!"

Senpai blinked at Asu. He took a deep breath. "Um, I like the game, too, but could you maybe be a little less-"

"Touchdoooooooooooooooooooooooooooown!"

"Okay, you're kind of hurting my ears-"

"Scooooooooooooooooore!"

"Hey please-"

"Assisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst!"

"I think I should leave..."

"Paaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Yeah..."

"Deuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!"

604800 seconds later

Muja glanced around to make sure that nobody was looking. Quickly, she searched her medicine cabinet and grinned when she saw the bandages. "I am the mummy queen!" she shouted.

All that Ayano could do was point and stare. The headmaster and all of the rest of the faculty just watched. Muja was the mummy queen. She really, truly was. She had wrapped bandages around her whole body. There was a little crown of thermometers on her head. And she was dancing. Oh gosh, it was a dance that defied all description! It was glorious! It was wonderful! It was-

"Will you marry me?"

The dancing king placed a crown on his new wife's head. The new couple bowed deeply to the faculty, and then waltzed off to their kingdom, where they rule to this day with kind hearts, just minds, and dancing feet.

0.0795 years on Mercury later

Mida showed up. This was not safe for K Plus. There was only one thing to do. Ayano was going to have to catch a predator.

"Oh! You're here! Come on in - I'll be down in a moment!" Since the student had invited her in, Mida opened the door and stood in the parlor. Suddenly...

"Why don't you have a seat?"

"Oh shoot."

PREDATOR was caught!

Ayano popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth and looked on. It was truly a beautiful sting operation.

(The limit of 7 as x approaches infinity) days later

Osoro watched what had happened to the previous rival and realized that she was going to have to keep it K Plus. That meant no fighting. Fighting was her life. If there was no fighting, then what was to become of her life? Was a life with no purpose truly a life at all? Why was she thinking all these philosophical thoughts? Was she gaining a new purpose in life? If she was, then what had happened to her old life, the one that only thought of fighting?

Osoro promptly ran home, screaming. Her epiphany prompted her to begin a club on philosophy, and she became the greatest philosopher of all time. But what, really, makes a philosopher? And what do we define as the greatest? What is a definition, anyway...

Eventually

Hanako was adorable. She blinked with her huge, sparkly eyes, and gazed up at her classmate. "But Ayano," she whined, "if you're Taro's girlfriend, he won't have any time for me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because if you're in his life, he'll be so busy hanging out with you that he won't want to hang out with me anymore."

"It's true," agreed Character-I-Created-Because-I-Needed-Someone-Extra-To-Say-Something-chan. "My third cousin two times removed once got a boyfriend, and she hasn't spoken with me in years. Although," she added thoughtfully, "that may just be because we're so distantly related."

"Nobody cares about ur life," said Ayano. Character-I-Created-Because-I-Needed-Someone-Extra-To-Say-Something-chan shrugged and walked away. "Anyway," Ayano turned back to Hanako, "you should really make some other friends."

"But how do I do that?"

"It is easy." Ayano held up a friendship bracelet and instantly made lots of friends. It was glorious. And wonderful. And awesome. Somehow.

[Insert great transition here]

Megami was unbeatable. Her student council was on high alert every second of the day. All faculty respected her. There was no time when she was alone, and even if that did happen, her self defense was surpassed only by Osoro and Budo. She was certainly going to win the Senpai. Unless...

That morning, Taro found a note in his locker. It said:

 _Hi,_

 _U r the man of my dreemz. I luv u moar than the moon and starz. Plz meet me outside after skool and do not make planz 2 c other gurl. Plz._

Taro was so happy to learn that he had a secret admirer that he ran out of school when the final bell rang. Ayano was waiting by the tree, blushing. "Senpai," she murmurred, "will you hang out with me?"

"Sure!" Taro nodded enthusiastically.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" cried Megami. "I have been defeated! You actually told him that you expressed an interest in dating him! Noooooooo!" Promptly, she melted.

But then! There was a voice in the darkness! 1!1!

"I am the final rival! I am the one who has been sabotaging your attempts and causing you misery! And now, I will take away your Senpai!"

Kokona descended from the skies, her corkscrew pigtails spinning like miniature helicopters. She laughed, and fire sprang forth on the ground below her. It was terrifying, and nightmarish, and horrid. "I am Kokona!" she screamed.

"No, you are not!"

Kokona paused. "What did you just say?" she roared.

"You are not the real Kokona!" shouted Ayano. "You are just a discount version of her who acts nothing like the actual Kokona, just as all of the characters in this story are discount versions of the actual characters who act nothing like they are supposed to in the game."

"Except for me," Character-I-Created-Because-I-Needed-Someone-Extra-To-Say-Something-chan reminded her. "I am completely original."

"U r so annoying plz go."

"Fine. Be that way." Character-I-Created-Because-I-Needed-Someone-Extra-To-Say-Something-chan flipped her hair and walked away. Then Discount Kokona fell into a plot hole and disappeared forever. The end.

 **Disclaimer as always: I do not own this game. I only made this story. Why did I make it? I do not know. Insert random GIF here.**


End file.
